Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we're making bets on your personal life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
