Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I AM VODKA MAN
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Never joke about your clitoris.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
