She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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