This is not my ceiling
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
