Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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