my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
