My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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