Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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