Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
