her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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