my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
