Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
