Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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