I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
