looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
