Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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