Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
