Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
