This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
