found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
