Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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