Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
