Girls should come with a carfax report
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
