So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
