I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wear drunk well.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
