non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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