she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we have officially lost it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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