you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
