The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
