Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
