Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
