i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
