I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
