just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
