Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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