I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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