Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
