I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
