They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
