An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
