hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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