end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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