Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
