Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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