You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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