'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
