Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Even the bartender felt bad for me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love you.
Bad choice
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