She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
