T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
