I'm going to jail i love you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
