Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
