still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
